


Gimli Takes a Whack

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, War of the Ring, Writing - Good use of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:36:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3720508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A poem about the orc slaying competition between Legolas and Gimli at Helm's Deep. It parodies the poem "Casey at the Bat".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gimli Takes a Whack

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

Things looked extremely rocky for the Mirkwood Elf that day  
The score stood two to four with but a few orcs left to slay  
So when Lugblat fell by Gimli’s hand, and Shazbût did the same,  
A pallor wreathed the features of the inventor of the game

Some straggling orcs were shot clean through, but Gimli axed the rest,  
And Legolas, unflagging, felt just a bit depressed  
Thought he: “If only Gimli would run instead of hack,  
I could kill more and up my score when Uruks next attack.”

He soon spent all his arrows (it _was_ his life at stake)  
And had to use his knife which was as useful as a rake  
When Gimli leapt from off the wall, and into the mêlée,  
‘Twas even more depressing on this quite depressing day

And yet Gimli then disappeared, to Legolas’ surprise  
It was quite hard to see him, even with his Elvish eyes  
He gleaned some arrows from dead Uruks lying by his knee  
And shot the ones by Gimli - twenty-two and twenty-three

Then from the angry Uruks, there rose a raging yell,  
Like the Black Speech that Gandalf had spoke in Rivendell  
The angry orcs upon the hill redoubled their attack,  
There were more Uruks there than even nine Dwarf-lords could hack

There was ease in Lego’s manner as he raised his Elven bow  
He scowled as he loosed it and he laid the Uruks low  
Around Gimli dead Uruk-hai were piled in a stack  
As Legolas above him shot an arrow with a _thwack!_

Ten thousand orcs besieged him as he fought upon the wall  
Five thousand more were waiting should the other Uruks fall  
Then Gimli in the midst of them let loose a fierce attack  
While by Legolas the wall began to give a hideous crack

From the hillside, black with Uruks, there went up an awful roar  
And by the lightning’s flashing there were seen Uruks galore  
“Kill them! Kill the strawheads!” yelled the Uruks on the land  
And it’s likely they’d have killed them had not Rohan took a stand

With their swords, all the Rohirrim fought the advancing waves  
As Gimli tried to make his way into the Glittering Caves  
The Elf drew back his bowstring and once more an arrow flew  
But Gimli still was winning – the Dwarf had forty-two

“Arr!” howled the maddened Uruks, and the echo answered “Arr!”  
All of this and more the Uruks shouted from afar  
And with their Orthanc-fire, they split the wall in two  
But the tide was quickly turning; this was not a big snafu

Legolas now glares in rage, he wants the Uruks dead  
And Gimli in the Caves has taken a wound to the head  
And now the Elven warrior has loosed his last arrow  
And now Dwarf’s axe is notchéd by the force of Gimli’s blow

Ai, somewhere deep in Wilderland the sun is shining bright  
And somewhere near to Gondor the beacons are alight  
But in war-weary Rohan, ‘tis interesting to see  
The score is: Lego forty-two, and Gimli forty-three  



End file.
